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<\/p>\nJoe Biden, older-than-your-great-grandfather and alleged president-elect, has been warned that his speeches risk killing more people than the coronavirus.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Death by boredom is a new pandemic that experts say will sweep the nation if Biden is inaugurated on January 20th.<\/p>\n
The G.A.C (Gynecologists Against Communism) issued a public warning today as Biden took to the stage in Delaware, in what was his most high-profile speaking event since the election.<\/p>\n
Biden, whose skeleton dates to the monolithic period, is thought to have ignored warnings from the GAC and spoke for 45 minutes, mainly about steam trains.<\/p>\n
Medical experts have revealed that Biden’s goldfishesque inability to remember anything that happened more than ten minutes ago determines that he has a natural immunity from boredom fatality during his own speeches.<\/p>\n
“His brain acts as a boredom condom,” said Dr Juan Twothree.<\/p>\n
Today’s event, a press conference and virtual meeting with CEOs and union leaders, was broadcast to millions of innocent people around the world.<\/p>\n
Vladimir Horange, who watched a satellite broadcast of the speech in Bulgaria with his wife, said she died during the event.<\/p>\n
“She died,” he said.<\/p>\n
Boredom is not thought to have killed any television viewers since Jay Leno was taken off the air in 2014, but Biden’s ascendancy has medical experts on high alert.<\/p>\n
Political advisors have discussed dressing the president-elect in a clown face to help reduce casualties but test runs made babies cry.<\/p>\n
“Babies cried,” they said.<\/p>\n
Joe Biden did not respond for comment to this article. Or forgot to.<\/p>\n
by Filet Frosk<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Joe Biden, older-than-your-great-grandfather and alleged president-elect, has been warned that his speeches risk killing more people than the coronavirus. Death by boredom is a new pandemic that experts say will sweep the nation if Biden is inaugurated on January 20th. The G.A.C (Gynecologists Against Communism) issued a public warning today as Biden took to the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":66,"featured_media":187517,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"inline_featured_image":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"apple_news_api_created_at":"2020-11-17T01:08:25Z","apple_news_api_id":"03dbf473-2178-497e-9c37-3ae7510c6d95","apple_news_api_modified_at":"2020-11-17T01:08:25Z","apple_news_api_revision":"AAAAAAAAAAD\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/w==","apple_news_api_share_url":"https:\/\/apple.news\/AA9v0cyF4SX6cNzrnUQxtlQ","apple_news_cover_media_provider":"image","apple_news_coverimage":0,"apple_news_coverimage_caption":"","apple_news_cover_video_id":0,"apple_news_cover_video_url":"","apple_news_cover_embedwebvideo_url":"","apple_news_is_hidden":"","apple_news_is_paid":"","apple_news_is_preview":"","apple_news_is_sponsored":"","apple_news_maturity_rating":"","apple_news_metadata":"\"\"","apple_news_pullquote":"","apple_news_pullquote_position":"","apple_news_slug":"","apple_news_sections":[],"apple_news_suppress_video_url":false,"apple_news_use_image_component":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-187516","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news-release"],"apple_news_notices":[],"yoast_head":"\n