<\/strong><\/p>\n Directed By: Alexandre Aja<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/strong><\/p>\n Starring: Elisabeth Shue, Steven R. McQueen, Jerry O’Connell, Jessica Szohr, Ving Rhames, Adam Scott, Kelly Brook, Riley Steele, Richard Dreyfuss, Christopher Lloyd, Brooklynn Proulx, Sage Ryan<\/strong><\/p>\n \n I like campy horror flicks – a lot, probably too much. Piranha 3D<\/em> looked to be everything I’d fall for; I’m a huge fan of director Alexandre Aja’s The Hills Have Eyes<\/em>, thought writers Pete Goldfinger and Josh Stolberg’s last film, Sorority Row<\/em>, was a ton of fun and am always eager to check out new and more grotesque ways of killing off characters. The problem is, Piranha<\/em> lacks the fear and emotion of The Hills Have Eyes<\/em>, isn\u2019t half as witty as Sorority Row<\/em> and almost entirely consists of the same kill over and over. It\u2019s a good thing Piranha<\/em> only clocks in at 89 minutes because that\u2019s all it\u2019s worth.<\/p>\n \n It\u2019s spring break and the small town of Lake Victoria is a prime spot for those looking for a party. When the hordes of big-boobed, booze-guzzling students arrive, so does the entertainment like the wet t-shirt contest MC played by Eli Roth and pornographic moviemaker Derrick Jones (Jerry O\u2019Connell) and his Wild Wild Girls, Danni and Crystal (Kelly Brook and Riley Stelle). Meanwhile, Sheriff Julie Forester (Elisabeth Shue) is just trying to keep the peace while her oldest son, Jake (Steven R. McQueen), keeps an eye on her little ones, Laura and Zane (Brooklynn Proulx and Sage Ryan).<\/p>\n \n Everyone\u2019s plans change when an earthquake creates an underwater passageway to a lake beneath Lake Victoria releasing its inhabitants, hordes of man-eating piranha. Now rowdy partiers are the least of Julie\u2019s problems. With the help of her deputy (Ving Rhames) and a visiting marine paleontologist (Adam Scott), she\u2019s got to save as many spring breakers as possible before the piranha eat them up.<\/p>\n \n The premise is fantastic and Piranha 3D<\/em> starts off in the best way possible, with a very old looking Richard Dreyfuss caught out in a fishing boat during the quake. From there, it\u2019s really just a jumble of boobs, alcohol, creepy fish and a whole lot of blood, which is exactly what most would expect. But what\u2019s also excepted of films of any kind is a decent story and beyond Piranha<\/em>\u2019s premise, there isn\u2019t much there. Every character has his or her tale, but nobody makes a decent connection.<\/p>\n \n The ones who come closest to being involved in an endearing subplot are Jake and the girl he\u2019s always had a crush on, Kelly (Jessica Szohr). Jake is supposed to be babysitting his younger brother and sister, but pays them off so he can be Derrick\u2019s location scout. On the way to Derrick\u2019s boat, Jake bumps into Kelly, Derrick takes one look at her and invites her aboard. Neither delivers a particularly impressive performance, but amidst all of the carnage and soft-core porn, their minimal chemistry is really the only source of emotion to latch on to. Kids are inherently cute, so regardless of some irritating banter, both Proulx and Ryan make nice additions as Jake\u2019s siblings. They show off a more notable degree of chemistry when they opt to take their small boat and row out to an island to fish and wind up stranded when they forget to secure the vessel.<\/p>\n \n Unfortunately, Shue doesn\u2019t fair as well. It\u2019s too bad because she does a great job with what she\u2019s given; if only her character wasn\u2019t reduced to the standard strict cop clich\u00e9s. The same goes for Brook and Steele, but mainly Steele. She\u2019s stuck alongside O\u2019Connell who\u2019s easily the film\u2019s most annoying character and gets completely sucked into his over the top shtick. Brook, on the other hand, solidifies herself as a winner during her very first moment on screen. She shares a nice chat with McQueen and manages to maintain enough of a distance from the whole Wild Wild Girls thing to remain likeable throughout. O\u2019Connell is really a killer, more so than those piranha. Yes, he\u2019s supposed to be a formulaic, sex-obsessed, hyped up director, but he takes it way too far and it just becomes bothersome.<\/p>\n \n Another element that will likely rub some the wrong way are the visuals. First up is the excessive amount of boobs. Okay, guys like to see a nice set of jugs \u2013 real or fake \u2013 but what about all of the ladies seeing this film? Boobs are fine, but there was no need to include so much nakedness that Piranha<\/em> would feel like a legitimate porno. Now for the gore. Some of it is downright fantastic. It\u2019s sad to see Ricardo Chavira and Dina Meyer wasted in such minimal roles, but they bite it in an incredible scene. Then there\u2019s the piranha attack on party central at Lake Victoria. You\u2019ve got people with holes in their backs, some missing limbs, others getting chopped in half and it all looks gorgeous. The only problem is that there is so much bloodshed and so many shots of piranha chomping at swimmers that after the big moment, you\u2019ve had enough. But this is a movie about man-eating piranha, so where do you go from there? Nowhere. You just endure more of the same. It\u2019s a cool kill for a while, but grows old fast.<\/p>\n \n Lastly, yet again, the use of the third dimension is weak. Normally the criticism stems from the fact that it was used in a gimmicky fashion, unnecessarily flinging obscure objects at the audience, but here that doesn\u2019t happen. In fact, nothing really pops out at you at all. The only items that look noticeably good in terms of the technology are the title and opening credits.<\/p>\n \n
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