We recently had the wonderful opportunity to interview our actor and friend Doug Jones at his Southern California home. In the interview he talks about his past and present roles such as Mimic and Pan’s Labyrinth to his role as Abe Sapien in the upcoming release “Hellboy 2” by director Guillermo Del Toro coming to theaters on July 11th. You can read the fully transcribed interview or you can watch the two part video interview in its entirety below.
Doug Jones Interview Part 1
Doug Jones Interview Part 2
TS: You’ve made a lot of movies, television commercials and music videos, I’m going to go through a list and you tell me the first thing that comes to mind.
DJ: One word sort of answer?
TS: Answer it with a story if you like.
DJ: Okay
TS: The first is “Mac Tonight”
DJ: Mac Tonight, the job that gave me a career, basically. Mac Tonight was the McDonalds campaign with the crescent moon guy that sat on my head, a big mask. I sat on a piano and floated on a big cloud and sang about burgers and fries. For three years I did that, 27 commercials later and that’s what bought us our first condo. I owe McDonalds for that, it gave me the hunger for more showbiz.
TS: How about “The Newlydeads”
DJ: Oh…The Newlydeads. We all have that first movie don’t we? The schlocky horror film that we said “Sure”, just to get our face on camera. That was The Newlydeads for me, oh my straight to VHS tape, that dates it a little bit and I was the first death in the movie, there was a transvestite zombie killer going on this murdering spree, throughout a honey moon resort hotel and I was the first newlywed to get slaughtered, with a curtain rod through the back of my head. Bleeding on the young mrs who was screaming on the bed. My mother was SO proud, yeah…
TS: How about “Hocus Pocus”
DJ: That was one of my favorite movies and favorite roles that I have ever done. Billy Butcherson, I played. The dead goofy guy that was Bette Midlers ex-boyfriend from 300 years before and she awakened me on her mission of evil. You thought I was a bad guy, a zombie guy chasing the kids around, but I was actually just trying to let them know that I was okay. At the end I cut my mouth open and said some things. You find out that he’s a good guy, a good zombie! There are good zombies out there people.
TS: “Batman Returns”
DJ: That was my first fore into the comic book genre film and “Batman Returns” was such an exciting project, because it was a sequel to a hugely popular film franchise and when “Batman Returns” opened it was the #1 box office opening weekend movie of all time. I got to play the think clown in that, which is kinda the story of my life, you know what I’m saying Brian? I was one of Danny Devito’s red triangle circus gang sidekicks, wherever Danny Devito as the Penguin went I was usually around him.
TS: You were also in a pretty popular Buffy The Vampire Slayer episode called “Hush”
DJ: The Hush episode of Buffy, nobody had any idea how that was going to break out. When you do a guest role on a television show, it can come and go very quickly and you can be very forgettable. The Buffy The Vampire Slayer Show though, its an enigma, nobody really knows the power that it has and the fan base is loyal to this day! So you take an episode that Joss Whedon the creator of that show wrote himself, directed himself and it becomes something very special. Especially when he took a very daring chance and made over half that episode in complete silence. My character, I was one of the gentleman, we were these floatie beasts that were very kind and courteous to each other, but they were tearing peoples hearts out. I like characters like that, ones that are very ambiguous, they seem polite and nice, but… there goes my heart. I do enjoy that kind of character a lot, and a character that couldn’t hear the human voice or his head would explode. I had to take the voices of over half the people in Sunnydale, and everyone was silent. That means for alot of visual storytelling, in a median that is, you know. Lets just inundate your senses! To take away audio was really daring. Most networks would have said, “Oh no, we’re going to lose viewers”. Quite the opposite happened. Without sound it just drew you in and you didn’t want to turn the channel. When I go out in public now, the Buffy fans still find me and tell me “You know, your episode was my favorite episode in the entire series”, that and the music episode of Buffy. Those are the two that keep getting mentioned over and over again. TV Guide was very good to us and said that the gentleman were the scariest villains the show has ever had and quite possibly the scariest villains television has ever had.
TS: How about “Mimic”
DJ: Mimic was one of those things, they shot it up in Toronto and when they came to LA to do reshoots, to finish up the film right before it opened. I got a phone call, out of the blue from the Rick Lazorini creature effects shop. They were finishing up the movie and the tall skinny guy they had to wear this bug costume thing, that was haunting the subway of New York City and making Mira Sorvino’s life hell. She was a doctor in that movie, I just want to re-iterate that. The phone call that I got was “Can you come down tonight for a night shoot?” and I was looking at my watch. I told them “I’m free… I guess I can”. I went to the night shoot, wearing this bug costume with a trench coat. Sort of a man/bug mutant sort of thing. I had no idea what the movie was about, no script. All of the sudden, I’m standing on top of the roof with a rain machine going and there’s this director on the ground, yelling “Lean over farther”. It was this delightfully tubby man with the face of an eight year old boy. I thought, oh isn’t he delightful. Thats all I saw of him. The next day, I came back for some closeups in the studio and thats when I got a close up look at our director, Guillermo Del Toro. At lunch time that second day, he sat down with me at the table. He looked at me and said, “So, you’ve done this kind of work before, yes?”. I said, “Yes, I’ve work lots of creature suits and makeup over the years”. He said “Tell me what you’ve done”. So I started listing off the jobs, he said “Oh I saw that, that was good.” He asked what makeup artist I worked with, so I started listing off who I worked with. That was 1997, I had already worked with the greatest makeup artists in history. Stan Winston, Rick Baker, Tony Gardner. The list goes on and on. Guillermo was interested, he said “Oh I like his work, what’s he like.” I thought, “Are you directing a major motion picture or are you a fanboy, which is it?” Delightfully, he is both. He’s a fanboy first. I found that out that day. This delightful Mexican man was telling me his background was in Mexico, starting off as a creature effects makeup artist. Thats why he loves monsters so much. So I thought, ” Oh, he’s one of my peeps.” We had this sort of bond. Before he left that day, he asked “Do you have a card?” So, I gave him this goofy ass card, which had a picture of me that I drew myself. He put it in his wallet. Five years went by, I went on with my career. I then got a phone call, five years later in 2002 and it was everyone at the newly formed Spectral Motion creature effects shop. Headed up by Mike Elizaldi. Creature designer Steve Wang, and sculpture designer Jose Fernandez. They had finished up a maquette, for a movie called “Hellboy” and the character was one of Hellboy’s sidekicks called Abe Sapien. When they did this sculpture, the beautiful long limbed fish man mutant. One of them said “That looks like Doug Jones”, then Guillermo Del Toro said “Doug Jones, I know Doug Jones,” and he pulled my card out of his wallet five years later and they called me. That is how Hellboy happened for me. Hellboy was the movie that really cemented my relationship with Guillermo Del Toro. Mimic was my 3 day stint way back, so I can count that as my first movie with him, but Hellboy is where we really learned a director / actor relationship and a director / actor language and a short hand with each-other that carried us on to the phone call that I got about “Pan’s Labyrinth”, which was “No one can play the fawn character but you Doug.” What I learned quickly about Guillermo Del Toro is that he is the type of director that can tap into an actors soul, really quickly. He knows your persona, he can sum you up. He is very much a people connection person. Within a day, he knew what my capabilities were. He knew what my limitations were and he knew what buttons to push to motivate me. He knew what buttons not to push that would ruin me for the day. He does that with every actor he works with, you could be side by side with another actors and he will talk to us very differently from each other on the same day in the same scene. It’s a true testament to his people skills. His people skills also come out in his writing, his directing and his storytelling. All of his storytelling and writing is about the human condition and about people. Even though he’s creating fantastic sets with fantastic colors and creatures. It all really comes down to a relatable human being type story.
TS: How does your character Abe Sapien in Hellboy 2 differ from the first time we met him in the original Hellboy.
DJ: Hellboy 2 has been a long awaited treat. Its been four years since the first Hellboy. Abe Sapien has grown and expanded so much in the second movie. In the first film he was a delightful character, kind of a one note intellect. He was a clairvoyant who could tell all about every object in the room, all about you. That was the established power that he brings to the BPRD team. In Hellboy 2, you’ll see that again, but you’ll also get to know Abe on many other levels. You’ll get to know more about his sense of humor and his relationship with Hellboy and the brother type relationship that they have. You’ll see some relationship time with his sister and friend Liz Sherman played by Selma Blair. He seems to be the brother in the Liz Sherman / Hellboy relationship. He’s the third man in this odd relationship thing. You’ll also see Abe Sapien wielding a weapon this time. Hands on with bad guys or bad creatures. We have a plethora of all of them. There’s a lot more action for Abe, a lot more relationship for Abe. My favorite part of Abe is that he has this love interest this time. Something new for him. He’s an old soul, with a long history, were not even sure where he started. He doesn’t even know where he came from. Now that he meets the princess of the Elvin underworld, Princess Nualla played by Ana Walton. Who did a fantastic job with this, she chewed this part up. Abe discovers her in the troll market. The troll market is the most delicious scenes that I’ve ever been able to work in. The sets and characters around us. There were hundreds of extras in costumes, it was a wacky creature fest. In the troll market is were Abe was able to glance and see the princess and I start following her. Somethings different about her, I can tell. The story will unfold, I don’t want to give anything away. Abe has a certain ownership of this new find of his, and when they do speak to each other for the first time, they find each other as very compatible souls. They are both lost souls, they understand each other. They understand the clairvoyant power they have with each other. They really have a connection. She’s an exile, running away from her family. What makes this an interesting plot point is that Princess Nualla is the twin sister of Prince Nuada, who is our nemesis / bad guy. You can imagine the issues that that would bring up. What happens for Abe, is that he’s in love for the first time. He’s having this puppy love crush thing, he has an emotional life. This is something he never knew before and its all because of her. It touches on the human condition, we can all relate to that first time we fell in love. Its a nice way to revisit those high school crushes that we have. My first girlfriend Mary Jonus from high school in Indianapolis Indiana. I was a stupid drooling idiot during that time and so Abe Sapien gets to go through that on film in front of all of you. Him being the brain of the operation, will it compromise his decision making powers? I remembering being in high school, I wasn’t also being sound or intellectual when I was having my first crush. That is going to add a nice little sub plot to the story that will make the fangirls swoon a bit, its going to make the fanboys gaga a bit… Can I go on about Ana Walton enough? Not only is she long and model beautiful, she embodies the role and takes on a regality. She’s a regal princess that doesn’t have to act like it, she just is. I say she’s Kate Blanchette Good. We’ll be seeing more of Ana Walton for sure.
TS: Any news on Hellboy 3?
DJ: There’s been a little talk about Hellboy 3 here and there. Premature to say too much about it, but Guillermo Del Toro had Hellboy 1, 2 and 3 in his head all along. That has always been the plan. He recently has said that when making Hellboy 2, he had Hellboy 3 in mind, so that there was certain set up potential for making Hellboy 3. There were certain considerations that he couldn’t make in the first Hellboy, because he didn’t have the next two stories fleshed out when he made the first Hellboy. Now that he has thought about, this has helped him along. I think we may have another Hellboy 3 to look forward to, but the issue now is that we may have another four year wait. Guillermo is going on to work on The Hobbit movies and thats a four year commitment for him. I do hope were fortunate enough to make it and bring Hellboy back to you. I think by then that Ron Perlman and I may be the oldest comic book characters to be on film ever.
TS: You’ve been called “The Undisputed Lon Chaney of Our Times” and “Mr. Fantastic Elastic” how do you feel about that?
DJ: Are those actual quotes? Wow, thats really a huge compliment. I have heard equations between myself, Lon Chaney, Boris Karloff and Bella Lugosi and it warms my heart to hear those names come up in the same sentence with me. That was the golden era of films, that was a time when people in heavy makeups were creating these fantastic characters on film. They were given such dignity for doing so. That went away for a long time and hopefully were bringing that dignity back. I hope that my name coupled with Lon Chaney isn’t tarnishing his legacy. I hope that he would be proud of me today and I hope that Bella Lugosi and Boris Karloff would be happy with me as well. I admire their work so much, and I wouldn’t say myself that I am anywhere near their league. They are such classic icons and I could only hope to be half that good one day.
TS: There are some rumors around that you may reprise your role as “The Silver Surfer” in Alex Proyas new movie, is there any truth to that?
DJ: As with any franchise potential character like The Silver Surfer, I did sign a standard three picture deal. Having completed my first movie with them, they have two more. They have the option to use me two more times, and whether or not 20 Century Fox uses me again, is up to them. If they make The Silver Surfer movie, a stand alone film, that was kinda in the plan all along. I would hope that they would come back to me and we would make those. I loved The Silver Surfer character so much, I loved researching him and finding out about him and getting to know him. I respected him so much, The Silver Surfer character is everything that I’m not. He’s statuesque, beautiful and poetic. Philosophical and very sacrificial. He’s very Christ like and angelic. He’s got the power cosmic which is largely unbeatable. That was a lot of fun to get to know and try to become. I believe that J. Michael Strazinski wrote a script, a little over a year ago and was talking about it at San Diego Comic Con. In the meantime there was the writers strike and lots of things happened. As far as I know there’s a script out there, what’s being done with the script, I don’t know. That’s really none of my business until I get a phone call, I just hope that the phone call does come.
TS: You mentioned “The Hobbit” earlier, do you think there might be a role in it for you?
DJ: We were just at the Saturn Awards a couple of nights ago and Guillermo Del Toro was on the red carpet with me and someone asked him on camera in front of me. They asked him “What do you have in The Hobbit for Doug?” Guillermo has always given me the wink wink nudge nudge that when he makes something theres always something in it for me. That was kinda confirmed that night. Nothing official at all, he said so, but he said “I’m sure that there something in The Hobbit, you’ll be seeing him.” He went on to say “I’ll put him through hell, some kind of torture, some obliteration of features.” Then he said “Listen, I have nothing official to say about it, but… If I made a hemorrhoid commercial, Doug Jones would be in it.” There you go, thats a quote from Guillermo himself. Which, I would probably play the hemorrhoid by the way.
TS: You do a lot of huge Hollywood films, but you also do a few independent films. Could you tell us about those?
DJ: I love the world of independent film, I really do. As does Guillermo Del Toro. The big studio film is exciting and fun to do,
they get the financing that independents can’t get. With the studio film, you have the potential to do a lot of things that cost a lot of money and create visuals and effects. Get star power into your films. The independent film is so fun to do in between these projects, because you have more creative freedom. The director does, the writer does and the actors do too. There is no umbrella corporation over the creative force. With marketing ideas, product placement tie ins and demographic considerations. You don’t hear anything about that when your working on a little indie film. Here’s the story you want to tell and lets tell it. When your doing a movie like “Pan’s Labyrinth” for instance, which was an independent foreign film on a foreign film budget. Everyone who worked on the film took a pay cut. But when you read a script like that, you realize that this is going to be something else. This is going to be something special. Guillermo Del Toro was able to make is film on his own terms and his own storytelling. Without any rules being handed down to him from any umbrella above him. Six Oscar nominations later, you realize thats what happens when you let a director, who’s a genius, do his own thing. So, I like working on independent films. Even if its a small thing with a $30,000 budget, I still want to look at the script. If someone has something to offer me, I’ll look at the script. If I read a script and I see the story, and its well written. If its a character that I relate to, and I connect with and want to get to know and that character is in a story that I want to help tell. Then I set down and meet the director, where I can see what his vision is and what his story telling is and where the character in the story is going to go under his tutelage. When these things are in place, then I’m pretty easy to get, if I have time in my schedule to do it.
I just finished an indie film called “Supercapers”, a super hero spoof movie where I got to play a nock off of Agent Smith from The Matrix. How much fun did I have with this, right? Ray Griggs was the director / writer on that. It’s very family friendly, very clean. It could have good television possibilities, mostly.
I’ve got another independent film coming up that I’m very excited about. It’s become a dream role for me. I’m about to start a film called “My Name Is Jerry”. In which I play Jerry. Its a human interest, dramedy about a middle aged white guy, who’s going through a time in his life where he needs a reason to reinvent himself. Classic mid-life crisis. He finds himself being taken into the world of the punk rock kids. He stumbles upon them in his very dull life. He gets lured into this world. It makes for some funny and some awkward moments, because he doesn’t really fit, but they take him in. At the same time, he hasn’t seen his daughter for 10 years and she’s like 20 something now and she comes moving back home with him. His ex wife and mother pass away. That creates some daughter / father issues that need to be worked out. There’s issues in his life and work and his best friend. All of these story lines intersect through this Jerry character. It’s really a well written, well woven script and a character that was written specifically for me by a first time feature director that I met when he was in film school in Los Angeles. He came looking for me to do a cameo in his 10 minute thesis project. His name is Morgan Meede and he became a really good friend through this process. Were making “My Name Is Jerry” back in my home state of Indiana. The whole crew is being staffed up by students of Ball State. Were pulling in a great cast, we have Katherine Hicks playing my boss lady. She was the mom in “Seventh Heaven”. She’s had an enormous career before that. Also we have Don Sparks from “That 70’s Show”. He’s playing my best friend / mentor and salesman friend.
I did another film “Carnies” a couple of years ago. The way the script was written was very much like a play. There were lots of blocks of dialog that were challenging. That offered me a different kind of storytelling that I had never done before and a character that was so quirky. It was so fun to find hiscsoul. I played the snake handler in the movie. His name was Ratcatcher, or “Ratty” for short. I was kind of like a side kick / best friend to the strong man of this sideshow / carny freak show that we had going on. The relationship there was very brotherly too. It was a nice thing to unfold on film. Of course there was a horror element to it as well to keep the horror fans happy that might know my work. So, it seemed like a no-brainer that it was something that I wanted to do.
Hopefully we will be seeing “Carnies” really soon… Won’t we Mr. Brian Corder?
TS: Yes, very soon! So, How did you prepare for the role of Ratty?
DJ: During my sit down with you, the director of the film. The main thing that you said was that you pictured him as kind of a Renfroe character. Ahh Renfroe. I thought, Pale, Skinny, Emaciated. Kind of creepy, but there’s a sympathy to him too. I love characters that go two ways at one time. There’s a creepy, nobody understands this character and why would you he’s kinda weird, but if you look into his eyes there’s a real soul in there. He’s a pathetic individual at times. So, you want to back away from him, but bless his heart at the same time. So, that was the most important piece of information that I had on that character. I did love Ratty a lot.
TS: You also handled snakes and rats in the movie, can you tell us about that?
DJ: I have a major fear to things that slither. I play things like that all of the time, but I realize when its a piece of rubber and when its a piece of organic nature in front of me. And a rat, with the skinny tail, something about that creeps me out. So, I’m a snake handler in the movie which means on the film I had to handle snakes. I’d never touched a snake in my life and I never wanted to and before the movie was over, I had a boa constrictor in my lap and I was petting him. I was in heaven. For some reason I took the boa and we bonded very quickly. I overcame my fear of snakes in an hour. It was amazing. I was catching rats, and you had a couple from the pet store which were precious little things. So, I was like. I’m not afraid of rats either. Well shoot, what’s left? Alligators, yeah… I’m still afraid of Alligators.
TS: Carnies is set in the 1930’s, how do you like working on period pieces?
DJ: I love period pieces, its always fun to play with costumes and hairstyles. The language too was a little bit different, we don’t talk in such modern vernacular. Its fun to explore a different era and how different a character would be who comes from that era.
TS: What’s the most important thing you think a director should bring to the set?
DJ: The most important thing a director should bring to the set is a very strong vision of story telling. Often times you’ll see in movie credits, “A Film By” director so and so. There’s a lot of people that go into making a film, you’ve got producers and technicians. Everything from the technical side to the creative side to the business side. All of this makes the film, but its called “A Film By” the director. It really is his story to tell and I like to feel that I’m an important playing piece in that game board. The director has to have a good vision of this whole entire game board. To know where each piece goes and when and when check mate happens and how does that go about. He needs to know that. Every piece on that board he needs to know the heart and soul of and the intention of and when their going and why their going there. Every actor may come with their own idea of their character and the director may need to tweak that a little bit. So that everyone is on the same page to tell the story that the director has in his vision.
TS: We have talked a lot about your work, what besides movies do you do for fun?
DJ: Hobbies… I wish I had some, I wish I had time for some. Here’s something I love to do. I have a pair of roller blades in my garage. I put them on and go to Venice Beach down the boardwalk on a warm day and look at all of the freak show. I love it down there. I get to do that about once a year, so I can’t really call it a hobby. With me, I’m a major people person. I have so many people in my life and I tend to collect people as I go along. It is important for me to catch up with people who are important in my life. Because of the busyness in my life and the travel in my life. I’m rarely ever home in Los Angeles. When I am home long enough I like to sit down on a coffee date and talk and let the afternoon tick away with no place else I have to be. The other thing is that my wife Laurie and I have never been able to have children of our own. Its physically impossible for us, doctor approved. When we both became okay with that, we found ourselves being approached by several 20 somethings. We have a lot of 20 somethings in our life that are young enough to be our own kids, but we never had to burp them or diaper them. We’ve been able to become a father / mother figure to about 15 kids now. I like to pour whatever parenting I have in me to these kids who come from all over the country. A lot of them are in show business, pursuing an acting career or a director or writing career. They are just getting started, and might come from families that are great and they miss their parents and we can serve as a surrogate stand-in for them. or they come from a family that has disappeared or fell apart. We can offer a more stable environment for them, when they never have had it. We found ourselves having a purpose in that, and that for me is ultimately important. Also, being a Christian person and working in the world of Hollywoodland. I get asked a lot to speak, to Christian church groups and youth groups. I’m very involved in another fellowship called Media Fellowship International. Which is a network of people who have the same faith as I do and work in the entertainment industry. It means a lot to me, whether its being asked to speak at a drama class or a Christian university and I’ve got to speak at their Chapel service, or its a youth camp somewhere in the mountains in Colorado. I’ve even stopped by elementary schools in my neighborhood, if they ask me to come by. Being able to reach out and touch the life of a young person is probably the most fulfilling for me. I’ve been a young person before and I know what its like to feel lost and out of sorts. That whole time of life from your teens to your about thirty. You go through this, where do I belong and what’s my purpose? Am I relevant to the world around me and do I have a future. That’s why you see so many suicides happening. You have a lot of people out there and the world is becoming a much harder place to live in every day. Life is hard and being young is hard. The fear of the unknown about the future is just terrifying. It can be debilitating and make someone fold their arms and rock back and forth in a dark room. So, if I have anything to offer at all, it would be a hand out to that person and say “It’s going to be okay, I’m 48 years old now, I survived it and there is a future for you.” There’s a future for everybody, there’s a reason you were put on this planet. There is a purpose and a plan to your life. God would not have created you without one. I didn’t realize mine right away, none of us know at first what were here for really. We might have dreams or what not, but is it going to happen? I can assure you that there’s a reason for being here.
TS: To you ever find it difficult being a Christian and working in Hollywood?
DJ: Nope, I don’t. I get asked that a lot. I think probably, being that I’m not a 20 year old beautiful woman, I don’t get asked to take my top off. I don’t have moral dilemmas like that as much. There are times when I’m presented with a scripted piece of work, that doesn’t have a redeeming value to it or that would lead a viewer to a direction that I wouldn’t want to go morally or spiritually even. That might be a story that I don’t want to help tell. Sometimes there’s only one little thing that is not sitting right with me. Thats a discussion that I’m free and able to have with a director or with the writers or producers. If we can find a way to resurrect the moment, and might tell the story a little better, then lets discuss that and we might have a better product in the end. Thats happened a couple of times, which I felt very good about. Overall, I haven’t had any negative experiences, like I’m cast away because I am a Christian. Hollywood is filled with all kinds of belief systems and opinions. I don’t think that I’m any more grading or obnoxious than anyone else. I don’t think I’ve been cast out by my beliefs at all.
TS: The last question I have for you is, when its all said and done, what do you want to be remembered for?
DJ: Your going to make me cry on this probably. What do I want to be remembered for, wow. There’s probably two different ways to go with this. Professionally, if there’s only one movie to be mentioned at my funeral it would be Pan’s Labyrinth at this point in my life, because that’s the story that has touched the most lives. I’ve had more people come up to me and say, “Oh my gosh, that movie moved me, it made me think about the monsters in my own childhood.” It helped them deal with things and revisit this and that. I had a young woman come up to me for Pan’s Labyrinth and tell me that she was considering ending her own life and she was depressed and on medication. The movie Pan’s Labyrinth and my characters interaction with Ophilia brought her back to life again. It made her creative juices flow, it made her want to paint again. It made her want to act again and sing and dance. When you hear something like I realized that I’m not just doing armpit farts on camera to entertain people. The world of movie making can have an impact on lives in a very positive way. So, professionally “Pan’s Labyrinth” is what I want to be remembered for.
Personally as a person. I would hope that at my funeral someone says something about the kind of friend that I was. I hope that Mrs. Laurie has something to say about the kind of husband that I was. I don’t always get it right, in fact, I get it wrong most of the time. I’d like to be remembered as someone who wasn’t there for you physically for you, because I’m not around much. That grieves me that I’m not physically present for the people who are important to me. That even though I wasn’t there physically at every moment of their life, that I was their in heart. That they felt a connection with me and that they could trust me, that I listened to them. I want anyone in my life to feel that when I’m with them that they are the only person that I have in that moment. That I don’t have all of this other stuff going on, that I’m actually focused on them. When I’m with someone, I like to be treated like I’m important to them at that moment, so I’m hoping that thats what I’m giving back to people at the same time and I hope that that’s what I’m remembered for.
I also hope that I’m remembered as someone who represented God well. Again, representing god and being a good Christian person doesn’t mean being perfect. I’ve never been perfect, nor professed to be perfect. I am a sinner like anyone else, I have faults, I make mistakes. I’ve fallen down several times in my life. Its not your sin that defines you, its what you do after. Do you stand up, how do you react to that mistake. What’s our recovery process, and when you look at a person who says “I’m a Christian.” To look at their faults, any human being has faults. What I would hope is that no one has judged God by looking at me. When I make mistakes, I have to look to God and say “Make me a better person, that is righteous and making good decisions.” In my weakness, hopefully you can see an example of a Christian, not in my personal strengths. I don’t think I have many.
TS: Thank you Doug, I appreciate it.
DJ: Thank you Brian, this was lovely.