We’re set in a time where it’s hard to go and land a decent job without some form of college education behind our belt. The bar has been raised for the minimum requirement and there is many people who are returning back to school in order to meet those terms. It’s a frustrating time, especially given how things are going out there economy-wise, but we all are trying to persevere through it all.
Every once in awhile we get uplifting movies that touch on a sensitive topic but still shine a light for us at the end of the tunnel. That’s what “Larry Crowne” is, a story about a middle aged man (Tom Hanks) who ends up returning to college in order to try and get his job back. Despite going through an incredibly rough time, his new experiences open the door to better opportunities.
There have been a few films within the same topic vein where an older man or woman returns to school for some reason or another. However, that doesn’t mean those characters show up on the first day only to have everything fall immediately into place for them. As a matter of fact, sometimes they can just be downright annoying and rude, making life practically a living hell for anybody who has to deal with him/her. All you wish is that they would try to avoid causing certain events or just finally leave the school altogether. That’s why we’ve composed a list of the top five movie characters that you wish never went back to school. Mind you, it’s not because they would be better off without the education, but it’s their antics/rotten personality that any campus can do without.
#5 – “Back to School” (1986)
Okay, we need to get this one out of the way because it’s an obvious choice. You have the rich and overly arrogant Thorton Melon, played by the great Rodney Dangerfield, who decides to attend college on a whim in order to prove to his wimpy son Jason (Keith Gordon) that it’s worth it to get a full education. Although his motive is honest, the way he makes his way into everyone’s hearts is mainly through money. Don’t get me wrong, “Back to School” happens to be one of my favorite eighties movies, but when you peel away the comedy and look at the character of Thorton Melon he’s nothing more than an arrogant, egoistical bastard who coasts through his twilight years by throwing as much money around as possible. He may be a very beneficial and appealing student for those running the school that he’s attending, but to have somebody with his personality on a college campus sounds like a nightmare.
#4 – “Never Been Kissed” (1999)
Usually it’s really cool to go undercover in a film, but what if you were asked to pose as a high school senior in order to get some good newspaper stories? Yeah, doesn’t sound as horribly exciting like it would being an undercover spy in a foreign country. But there’s timid Josie Geller (Drew Barrymore) who ends up bagging the job of a lifetime as she gets a new get-up, hairdo and goes back to high school once more. She gradually becomes friends with quite a wide group of people, lying her way into the hearts of many until she finally reveals the truth. They claim that this character would never fit in with the popular crowd, but with her manipulative nature I wouldn’t consider being her friend after that for a long time.
#3 – “Ernest Goes to School” (1994)
First off yes, this film actually exists. I almost completely forgot that “Ernest Goes to School” existed until a friend of mine brought it up. There’s been practically countless Ernest films, but in regards of the character’s pure stupidity, this one takes the cake. The story centers on the lovable janitor Ernest (Jim Varney) who is forced to finish the remainder of his education when the school that he works for demands that he does so in order to keep his job. Craziness ensues as Ernest literally has somebody charge his brain with knowledge so he doesn’t have to go through any form of hard work in order to coast through the small remainder of his education. Not only is he a poor role model for any kid who decides to watch “Ernest Goes to School,” but the man doesn’t learn any lesson and gets away with acting like a complete moron. Keep me away from the classroom this guy is in please.
#2 – “17 Again” (2009)
Where is this reality that basically says that Zac Efron will one day grow up to be Matthew Perry? I want to know how that happens. In “17 Again” our hero Mike (Matthew Perry) is complaining how crappy life is for him and how all he really wants is to go back to high school where he reigned supreme. He gets his wish as he’s sucked into a vortex and quickly finds out that he’s transformed back into his high school body (Zac Efron). He ends up returning to high school only to try and patch up his relationship with his kids and wife. Anyways, this is yet another example of a total selfish liar snaking his way into the hearts of many and ends up hurting them with his constant strings of lies and screw ups. This time there is no super happy ending like in “Never Been Kissed” but ends where the wife automatically accepts him with open arms, completely ignoring the fact that he most likely messed up his relationship with his kids in the process. Keep that perfectly quaffed head of hair away from me, thank you.
#1 – “Billy Madison” (1995)
If there’s one adult movie character that returns to school that you’d want to be many yards away from, it’s “Billy Madison.” The Adam Sandler character is the quintessential version of the most boorish, arrogant and stupidest person you could ever imagine would exist in a movie. “Billy Madison” centers on a young heir who ends up going back to grade school and passing on his own in order to prove to his father that he can run the family business. Having a character with a short temper and attention span like Billy Madison can only lead to comedic trouble. If a person like Billy Madison ever made his way into a school that I was enrolled in, I’d immediately look to transfer elsewhere.
Want to get a dose of a more likable character returning back to school? Then check out “Larry Crowne,” out in theaters now.