Title: Assassin’s Bullet
Directed by: Isaac Florentine
Starring Christian Slater, Donald Sutherland, Elika Portnoy and Timothy Spall
Running time: 91 minutes, Rated R
Special Features: Making-of Featurette and Theatrical Trailer
Christian Slater is Robert Diggs, a former FBI agent that is haunted by the death of his wife, and takes a job as a cultural attaché in Sofia, Bulgaria. He falls for a mysterious woman whom reminds him of his wife, and unbeknownst to him is involved in an assassination plot against several Islamic terrorists.
Let me save you some time, yes they’re all the same chick. Once you figure that out, (pretty early on in the film) you’re just waiting for the movie to end. The rest of the film is just tedious filler. I had to fast forward through the belly dancing scenes and the excruciatingly cheese filled scene where Christian Slater plays a guitar while Elika Portnoy “sings.” I’m sure the director wanted to convey some sort emotion with that scene, but I really didn’t care.
Donald Sutherland’s part was miniscule, hardly warranting a credit. I will say that I was more interested in Timothy Spall’s therapist character than anything else that was going on. If Christian Slater took that part instead or even if they switched parts it would make for a more interesting film.
Now for a few things bothered me about the film that I just couldn’t let go. The assassin puts a VHS tape in a pot of boiling water and it catches fire? It’s been almost 20 years since I’ve been in a science class, but I’m almost certain things don’t just catch fire in water. The kicker for me is that they’re still able to still get an image off the tape. I worked in a video store for 3 years and my grandpa was a TV/VCR repairman, so I’ve been around VHS my whole life and I know once intense heat is introduced to the tape, it’s gone. Maybe if they grabbed it out of the water immediately after it was thrown in, but I can only stretch my suspension of disbelief so far. Ursula (belly dancer) stabs a knife into the chair that Diggs happens to be sitting in, and he runs after her? Let that one go man. The assassin claims “no witnesses” when she shoots a defenseless dog from across a river, but refuses to shoot a little girl and Christian Slater at close range…the people that could actually identify her? Who writes this s—?!
When I was a teenager, I was a huge fan of Christian Slater and whenever I watch yet another direct to DVD film of his, makes kind of sad and long for the films of his heyday. He’s too talented to waste on flicks like this; although I understand a job’s a job. Cuba Gooding Jr is still the reigning king of Direct To DVD fare, and Christian Slater is now the crown prince. Somebody write Gleaming the Cube 2 and get Tony Hawk back, maybe Jason Lee and any other older pro skaters. It would be like an Expendables with skateboarding and that would be awesome. Come back to big budget or at least a decent independent Mr Slater; we miss you.
Total Rating: D
Reviewed by: JM Willis
