It’s official: the United Progressive Party (UPP) has moved from political opposition to full-blown circus act. Their latest stunt—trying to manufacture scandal over the Alfa Nero yacht situation—has backfired so badly it should be studied in crisis comms classes titled “What Not To Do.”

In a desperate and poorly choreographed attempt to smear Prime Minister Gaston Browne, the UPP is now burning their supporters’ money to bankroll one of America’s most disgraced lawyers: David Boies.

Yes, that David Boies—the same Boies who:

• Repped Harvey Weinstein until even that became too radioactive,

• Was exposed for helping spy on and silence victims,

• And is allegedly on Donald Trump’s short list of “lawyers who may soon be reacquainted with handcuffs.”

This is who the UPP tapped for their offshore legal hit job?

Let’s pause and remind ourselves: you cannot compel a sitting head of state to appear before a U.S. federal court. That’s not a loophole—that’s international law. If UPP had spent half as much time consulting legal scholars as they did posing for photo ops, they’d know this.

Instead, they cooked up a half-baked “discovery” narrative and tried to spin it like Gaston Browne was dodging justice. Wrong. The only thing being dodged here is reality—by UPP and their fearless (nameless?) megaphone, Michael of the Antigua Observer, who pens his hit pieces with all the subtlety of a toddler with a crayon.

And where are the UPP’s heavy-hitters in all this? Hiding, as usual. Not one of these MPs has stepped up to actually debate or face off against Gaston Browne:

• Jamale Pringle – silent.

• Franz deFreitas – loud on radio, mute in court.

• Kelvin “Shugy” Simon – legal brain trust powered by TikTok.

• Sean Bird – still trying to resurrect a legacy while avoiding accountability.

• Alister Thomas, Pearl Quinn-Williams, Cleon Athill, Sherfield Bowen – all missing in action, more interested in headline-chasing than policy-making.

They’re all parroting this nonsense from the shadows, hoping the public is too distracted to notice that they don’t even understand the basics of jurisdiction.

Then came the AI-generated video response from the Government of Antigua and Barbuda,

released by Gaston Browne’s administration—a clear, surgical takedown of the entire narrative. The video calmly, professionally, and with crystal clarity outlined the actual legal framework, reminding the world that:

1. Antigua is a sovereign nation.

2. Gaston Browne is the elected Prime Minister, not a U.S. citizen.

3. Sovereign immunity is a real thing.

4. And the UPP are wasting donor funds on fantasy litigation that will go absolutely nowhere.

The AI video had more logic in two minutes than the entire UPP press strategy has in two years. It was like watching chess vs. checkers—if the checkers were made of soggy bread and bad legal takes.

Let’s be honest: the UPP isn’t doing this for justice. They’re doing it for attention. They know Boies is expensive. They know the lawsuit is jurisdictionally bankrupt. But they think the optics might hurt Gaston Browne—so they’re tossing mud and hoping something sticks.

Except the only thing sticking is the smell of desperation.

So to recap:

• The UPP has no case.

• No courage to confront Gaston directly.

• And no shame burning donor dollars on Boies and bluster.

Meanwhile, Gaston Browne and his government are running circles around them, dropping AI-powered reality checks while the UPP screams into a legal void.

The only discovery here? That the UPP would rather embarrass the country internationally than do the hard work of actual governance.

Time to get serious—or get out of the way.