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Slink Movie Review

Posted by juliana On July - 17 - 2013 0 Comment

Title: Slink

Directed by: Jared Masters

Starring: Julia Faye West, Danika Galindo, Art Roberts, Dawna Lee Heising

Running time:80 minutes, Not Rated, Available On Demand & iTunes

Two sisters Kayla & Courtney, are asked to travel to the home of their deceased uncle to go through his things and retrieve some mementos, when they discover along lost Aunt “May” whom is already going through his possessions. While getting to know each other, Kayla decides to go shopping with Aunt May while Courtney stays behind, hoping to discover if this Aunt May is who she says.  Kayla uses a free tan coupon she got with the purchase of a designer leather handbag from the only store that actually brings tourism to the Podunk town. The woman who runs the store and designs the handbags is Joan and her husband Dale runs the tanning salon. The two of them have been in cahoots to kill off tanning customers and use their skins to make the purses.  What will happen to the town once their gruesome scheme has been discovered?

The Positive: The definition of the word “Slink” was more interesting than this movie. It’s usually referred to the cow fetus (but any premature animal birth) and apparently they use the skin in leather making. How it applies to this film I have no idea since they didn’t even use Slink.  I want to see somebody try to use that in a horror flick, that would be so gross and possibly awesome.

The Negative: Well let’s just see how much time I have to name them all…

1.) The acting is god-awful. One of the actors can’t even speak English that well and he’s still terrible. One actor doesn’t have any lines whatsoever, and he’s horrible too. The only actors who could act are the woman at the 23:00 who goes full nude, but gets murdered, and the dead girl at the 52:00 minute mark – she’s dead and is still better than everyone else.

2.)  Aunt May brings Courtney a “special casserole.” Couldn’t the prop department do a little better than mac & cheese?

3.) What store just displays items nailed to a wall?

4.) Yes, the home shopping sales woman says “pacific” instead of “specific,” because I listened to it 3 times.

5.) We’re supposed to buy that the little girl is actually sewing leather and is responsible for all those purses in the shop? I ‘m not an expert, but I have sewn before and that is some uneven stitching. Like, way off.

6.) When Kayla escapes the slaughterhouse, you can see lights from the town merely blocks away…why didn’t she go towards that instead of sticking to the rural dirt road?

7.) The kid skinning the bodies – how does he expect to get any good scraps of leather with those little bitty pieces of skin he’s shaving off like a block of cheese?

8.) That ending…What the hell was that?

I seriously want to throw my chancla at this “film.”

Total rating: F

Reviewed by: JM Willis

slink movie

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