Connect with us

Alki David Shoots Down Report of Violent Axl Rose Hologram

NEWS

Alki David Shoots Down Report of Violent Axl Rose Hologram

The Greek billionaire and hologram industry pioneer denied rumors of a Guns n’ Roses hologram tour; No truth to story that Jumbo’s Clown Room was trashed

Axl Rose headline from weeklyworldnews.com

The headlines were as loud as they were bonkers: “Axl Rose Hologram Arrested in Hollywood!” wrote Kitty Katzen in the Weekly World News. Ms. Katzen had earlier reported that “Guns n’ Roses Announce Appetite for Projection Tour.”

“This is funny,” said Alki David, CEO of Hologram USA. “But completely untrue. I love Guns and Roses–but I’m very aware that Axl Rose is alive and well.”

In fact, insiders speculate that the confusion arose when TMZ spotted Mr. Rose leaving the Swissx Smoke Lounge inside the Hologram USA Theater on Hollywood Boulevard on February 24th. The lounge provides guests with luxury hookahs to enjoy Swissx CBD products and watch state-of -the art hologram entertainment. Shows include Billie Holiday, Jackie Wilson, Michael Jackson and Tupac Shakur. (We found more info on Swissx and how to visit the smoke lounge here.)

“While the Weekly World News is famous for its award winning coverage of Bat Boy and Bigfoot, who it linked romantically with Miley Cyrus recently,” said David. “I’m afraid they got it wrong this time.”

Ms. Katzen’s story says, “Los Angeles Police arrested Holographic Axl Rose last night at Jumbo’s Clown Room in Hollywood. They were taken into custody after Axl and five others destroyed the strip-club in a rowdy bar brawl. The three-dimensional sensation faces charges of mayhem and inciting a riot. This all happened just as Guns n’ Roses are putting the finishing touches on their Appetite For Projection tour.”

The story goes on to quote a Clown Room stripper called Silver Starr, age 58: “Silver Starr, 58, a longtime performer at Jumbo’s Clown Room spoke to Weekly World News. “The night started like any other. But things got pretty wild when Holographic Axl arrived.” Starr, who sustained minor injuries in the ensuing brawl added, “He was clearly intoxicated and looking for trouble.”

“Axl reportedly found the trouble he was looking for when he produced a quarter, selected “ Mr. Brownstone” on the jukebox and leaped onto the stage. Holographic Axl gyrated on stage for a few moments before security guards tackled him and threw him off stage. The enormously popular singer landed face-first on the floor and his fans immediately rushed to his defense. Fists flew, then chairs, followed by tables as terrified tootsies and grungy guests ran for cover. Twelve people were injured in the following chaos, four seriously and Jumbo’s Clown Room sustained major damage.”

Katzen then attributes an erroneous quote to Hologram USA’s CEO: “We’re just as astonished by the holograph’s behavior as you are. Our team never imagined we could nail Axl Rose’s personality. And we got all his behaviors down pat.”

A spokesperson for David denied the CEO spoke with Katzen–and indeed confirmed that there is no Appetite for Projection tour. An insider speculated that one of Hologram USA’s competitors–perhaps trying to offset reports of zero sales for their Buddy Holly & Roy Orbison hologram tour—planted the story.

“To be fair, the story seems just as likely as the notion that Guns n’ Roses is now opening for the Smashing Pumpkins,” said one music industry insider. “Either way–getting a batshit crazy story written about by Kitty Katzen in the Weekly World News proves you are a pop culture icon in your own right. Mazel Tov, Alki David!”

The Weekly World News then reports, “At City Hall, the District Attorney ponders whether charges can be made against a projected person.” And Katzen ends with the genius misquote of David, “The tour will go on, but we need to fine-tune Axl’s hologram. We want to fix any perfections. [sic]”

Alki David got the last word, “I’m not going to comment on rumors that Hologram USA is resurrecting Jesus next. Anyways, Axl—give me a call and I will hook you up at the Smoke Lounge.

Facebook Comments

Continue Reading
Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

To Top